Link: The long crawl.
Ten shows.
Let me repeat that: Ten shows- five at the Pond, the first of which came Wednesday night, interspersed with five more at Staples Center. And I hear talk of another two gigs in November, one at each venue, after they play San Diego.
No one has headlined that many arena shows all at once in 20 years - not since Prince and Bruce Springsteen were at commercial peaks and selling out equally long stretches at SoCal arenas.
It's staggering and bewildering until you really think about it. No doubt the Stones and Paul McCartney and U2 could do likewise; their tours have sold faster and stronger, actually, with 97 percent of all Stones tickets snatched up in a matter of moments, assuring the legends a full house at Angel Stadium and two nights at the Hollywood Bowl.
So why don't those acts follow the Eagles' example? Because it's overkill.
Note that primo seats for all nine remaining shows are still available for face value ($175) via Ticketmaster, not brokers. In an era of three-bucks-a-gallon gasoline, asking, say, two couples or a family of four to burn a grand (or more) on tickets, dinner, parking, T-shirts, programs, maybe some new threads and, hey, how 'bout a limousine? (they were everywhere Wednesday) - well, that leads to a case of abundant supply exceeding overanticipated demand.
Another reason those other Hall of Famers don't offer so many shows all at once: They're not the Eagles. Which is to say they tend to finish a world tour in about a year and can't spend two weeks (or a month) in one place.
The Eagles, however, have been on their "farewell" jaunt since summer 2001, and after circling the globe they're only now arriving in the region that spawned them. Indeed, these dates are the band's first local appearance since a one-off benefit show in 2002.
Thus, this momentary mania. Fans and their children and grandchildren have been waiting and waiting and waitingfor this time to come.
You know the impetus for blindly shelling out triple digits for veteran performers, of course: "This may be our very last chance to ever see these guys." Certainly that's a large part of what fuels enthusiasm for the Stones and McCartney, too. With these crawling-to-a- homecoming Eagles, though, such determination to get one last glimpse can become severely swollen.
That's why what critics say about the group's performance will fall on deaf ears.
"They sound just like the record," I charge. "Only slower." "Yeah," Mr. & Mrs. Eagle Nuts will reply - "isn't it great?!"
"But of 28 songs," I'll continue heatedly, "only 16 were certifiable Eagles classics. Of the other dozen, four were hits for Don Henley and four came from Joe Walsh records."
"Yeah," the Nutses will counter, "but we knew 'em all! Whew, what a concert!"
So let's dispense with any grand theories as to what the Eagles' music signifies and why it has endured - for at this point it signifies only nostalgia for an easier (though not more peaceful) time. And when you truly scrutinize the band's catalog, only two discs' worth of inescapable classic-rock staples have really endured.
Does that make the Eagles overrated? Maybe. I mean to take nothing away from the unbelievable clamor people stir up to cajole mid-50s guys like Walsh, Henley, Glenn Frey and Timothy B. Schmit to return and expertly re-create favorites that made "Their Greatest Hits (1971-1975)" a competitor for the Biggest Selling Album of All-Time crown.
But when compared to their older betters, well, there's no comparison. The Stones and McCartney just released some of the best music of their later careers. In 10 years, the Eagles have put out a live album with a few weak new tunes, two live DVDs, a double-disc best-of sporting a well-meaning but feeble single ("Hole in the World") and not one but two retrospective box sets.
And from the sound of the new songs presented Wednesday night - Walsh's Buffett- goes-12-steppin' "One Day at a Time," Frey's squishy "No More Cloudy Days" - it's just as well that the Eagles stick to the past. Frey may be the master vocal arranger, Walsh the guitar hero who gives most of his leads to a capable sideman. But Henley, it seems, is their only writer of substance - and I suspect anything meaningful he has to say he'll leave for another solo album.
"Shut up already and tell me how the concert was," Mr. & Mrs. Nuts just complained. OK, fine: It was like watching dull music television. Everything sounds just about perfect. Everything moves at a snail's pace. Nothing is left to chance, nothing surprises.
Just still-life memories.
Granted, if you came to hear immaculate simulacra, you got your money's worth. Under Frey's direction, the seven voices (all but the horn players and percussionist join in) harmonize unerringly, so high and flawlessly, in fact, that the opening "Take It Easy" had me wondering if some of it hadn't been sweetened by tapes.
Then Frey mentioned that "New Kid in Town" features "the highest note I can hit in my natural voice in 1977." And lo and behold, they really couldn't sing it like they used to, though that one is such a lovely piece it hardly matters.
Henley hasn't lost a bit of his Frankie Valli falsetto, used to excellent effect on "One of These Nights." Faring worse was Schmit, who was far too brittle on "I Can't Tell You Why," a deceptively simple song that is hard to play with precision and which nearly put me in a coma. Retire it.
There was humor, mostly from Frey - "I'd like to dedicate this next song ('Lyin' Eyes') to my first wife, Plaintiff" - and Walsh, who at one point donned a helmet-cam, apparently to prove middle- age housewives will still flash when put on a Jumbotron.
There were some political comments, though surprisingly more from goofy Walsh than serious Henley. Henley before "Hole in the World," written in the wake of Sept. 11: "Just keeps getting more and more appropriate. Things are really a mess."
Walsh before "Life's Been Good": "I've decided to run for president again. I can top this guy." And a change in "Rocky Mountain Way": "Bases are loaded and Bush is at bat / Playing it play by play / Time to change the batter."
Have you noticed? Where are all the Eagles songs?
"Dirty Laundry," "The Boys of Summer," "All She Wants to Do Is Dance," "Walk Away," "Funk 49" - all of them are just fine, and preferable to, oh, Frey's "The Heat Is On." But what are they doing taking up space at an Eagles concert?
What about "Wasted Time" or "The Last Resort" or "The Sad Café" or "Those Shoes" or "Ol' 55" or "Seven Bridges Road" or "Victim of Love" or "Best of My Love,"for crying out loud! Seems like those belong in an Eagles show more than "Sunset Grill" - and yet they still do "Take It to the Limit," a great one that happens to have been sung by a guy who split long ago.
I guess those lesser-known tunes just don't curry as much favor as "Heartache Tonight" and "Life in the Fast Lane," ubiquitous bits that get white people drinkin' and thinkin' they can dance - and rarely questioning whether their money was well-spent.
I only hope that as these shows roll along, the Eagles think to vary songs a bit. But I'm not about to check in to find out if that happened.
And I'd advise anyone on the fence to buy the DVD. It looks and sounds much better.
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