Heart of the Matter

Song Title: Heart of the Matter

Credits: Mike Campbell, Don Henley, JD Souther

Album: End of the Innocence

Lyrics:

I got the call today that I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you'd found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck and the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment and beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Oh, these times are so uncertain; there's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness; how can love survive
In such a graceless age?
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Oh, pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us - you know, it doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out
I have to learn again

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down; you know, they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you, baby, 'cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me...

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me...

(Forgiveness)
Yeah (Forgiveness
Baby(Forgiveness)
Oh (Forgiveness)
Ah, yeah (Forgiveness)
Ooh (Forgiveness)
Even if you don't love me anymore

Commentary:
I have a different take on this than most. I know that traditionally this is
believed to be Don asking for forgiveness, and while I think that's an
underlying element, I believe this is more about a man examining himself and his
need to forgive others.  While I recognize that this was co-written, for the
purposes of my interpretation, I'm going to assume that Don was the main
lyricist.  However, I do believe this can be conceptually generalized to any man
(or woman) looking at his life and deciding he needs to let go of hurt.

The song opens with the news that his ex-lover has moved on. The disappointment
implies that he might have harbored a secret hope she would come back to him, or
more negatively, that she wouldn't be able to find happiness without him.
This call causes him to reconcile himself to the fact that she'll never love him
again and that she can be happy without him.... and that that's a good thing.
When it comes down to the heart of the matter, it wasn't that she was a bad
person or that he was; other factors played into it - trouble, bad luck. This
helps him to understand that being angry at her is not only destructive, it's
unfair.

It's a struggle for him to come to terms with these changes, but if he's willing
to step outside of his narrow perspective to the big picture - "learning again"
by viewing the world with a new lens of understanding - it helps him.  That
doesn't mean it's easy, but he can try, and perhaps learn from the struggle as well.

He goes on to talk about the other things we do to hurt ourselves that stem from
selfishness (and the unwillingness to forgive is a type of selfishness and pride
as well - someone "hurt your pride" and you want to punish them, make them feel
badly, cause trouble for them, hope others dislike them as much as you do, wish
them ill, etc.).  Again, Don admits he struggles with this, too. It's all part
of coming to terms with the fact that making this all about what's been done to
him, as he had in the past, does nothing for him but increase that pain. It
further "kills" his ability to trust himself and others.

One may ask, if this is about self-examination, why is it directed at the
ex-lover? My answer to this is that Don wants for her the same kind of peace
he's finding through forgiveness. She no doubt was hurt by their breakup, too.
It's the ultimate in forgiveness to hope that the person you used to wish would
"get what's coming to them" is now someone you want to be happy.  This is
supported by the bridge - "you better put it all behind you, baby... you keep
carrying that anger, it'll eat you up inside."  I also think this is supported
by what he himself said before playing it live for Hell Freezes Over - that it
took 42 years to write. Obviously, that's not the years since the ending of a
relationship, that's a lifetime. It took a lifetime to realize that he needed to
forgive not only an ex-lover, but anyone who's let him down.  Sadly, it's a
realization some never come to.

He winds up with the thought that life is short and forgiveness vital to
happiness, even if it is a struggle. He uses two Biblical alllusions to
emphasize this (see below).

What does it mean: (Symbols & Allusions)
The two most evident allusions are the religious ones of the last verse. First
is the reference to Matthew 26:41: "Watch and pray, that ye enter not into
temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."  This is
spoken by Jesus to the disciples at the Garden of Gethsemane - they'd fallen
asleep after they'd promised to watch with him and pray. For those of you
unfamiliar with the Bible, this occurred right before Jesus was captured by the
soldiers. He knew what was coming and was under so much emotional duress that he
sweated blood. He needed support, but his friend failed him. The second is a
modification of "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" which comes from the Church of
England's Book of Prayer for burial services(the Book of Prayer used as its
basis for this Genesis 3:19: "Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return.")

I realize some would argue that these allusions have become so commonplace that
most don't even know where they came from, and thus we shouldn't presume Don
meant to refer to the Garden of Gethsemane.  They would say that he was just
using some ready-made tropes to get his idea across. However, I believe Don
chose his words more carefully than that argument implies. I think one can
assume that Don has a fairly good knowledge of the Bible and Protestant theology
due to his upbringing, and even if he didn't remember specifics and discarded
the belief system, I believe he had an awareness of their contextual import in
the literary sense.  Therefore, I think we can glean from his usage of them that
he is attempting to illustrate the need for understanding why those who should
be there for you aren't always, and forgiving them that weakness; additionally,
to emphasize the need for understanding that life is short and shouldn't be
wasted on the negativity of holding grudges.  THAT is the heart of the matter,
in my humble opinion.

What Don Says: "Took 42 years to write and about 4 minutes to sing."

Your Thoughts: I find the song very moving and its message an important one. So
many times people harbor hatred and bitterness in their hearts needlessly, not
realizing that they are only compounding their hurt by refusing to let go of it.
This song communicates the idea that it's not about what someone else does to
you, it's about how you deal with it.  You can choose to waste energy hoping
that person gets what they deserve and pays for how they treated you, or you can
forgive that person and hope they are able to overcome whatever causes them to
treat people badly. As I said before, Don admits this isn't easy - we're all
human; none of us are saints. It's easy to say that it's good to forgive, but
much harder to do.  That's why I especially love the line "Even if you don't
love me anymore."  She'll never do anything to "deserve" his forgiveness, but
he's giving it to her anyway. I'm sure he hopes for the same from her, but he
realizes he can't control that or make her forgive him. He can only choose his
own path, and he's doing so by letting go of the bitterness - no matter how hard
that may be. Even if he never fully succeeds, forcing himself to try will allow
him to go forward, emotionally and spiritually.

This Entry Written By: Nancy

We want your thoughts about this song and what it means to you. Hit the Comments button and type in whatever is on your mind. If you'd rather e-mail us your thoughts (for publication) or any additons to this entry, that's fine too.

Comments

[weefieryredhead]

This song is one of my favourite Don tracks. Its beautiful sentiment is absolutely heart breaking if it catches you at the wrong moment. For me anyway, the one thing that this song is, is a lesson. In it, Don captures the feelings of break ups and let downs but most importantly the need to forgive. "You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby" which of course it will. Learning to forgive is one of the hardest things a person can do but this song sums it all up so perfectly. More than anything, to me, this song is about hope for the future. Don's songs work on so many levels and it doesn't surprise me that this took 42 years to write, there's a lot of experience in those lyrics :o)

[Nick Majors]

About a year ago, my wife left me quite unexpectedly. All things considered, I have handled it as well as can be expected.

Today I had lunch with my ex, and on the way home I heard this song for the first time in many years. These lyrics (and the comments written above) contain great wisdom.

Nothing more needs to be said . . .

[Jeanne Majors]

The Song's about a relationship that's been breaking down and to no surprise she left. She left the relationship because it wasn't working. She didn't leave him. They both struggle in the relationship....with the voices outside love's door. What are these voices that make us throw off our contentment? What could be better than the one who's always by your side! Is there anything more or better to look for. Both people know when something isn't right....just like you knew when it was right (to be together in the first place). It's an instinct. To deny, ignore or put that at the bottom of your priority list, is the thing we finally ask for forgiveness for. That's the wrong we make in relationships.

[CAPE COD]

This song has some very strong references to someone who threw away everything that mattered to him because of addiction/alcoholism and gained freedom from addiction only after losing the love of his life. As it starts it explains “the bad luck and struggles (that usually accompany addiction)” and the “voices outside loves open door” is the repeated call to satisfy the addiction. The phrase “beg for something more” is the NA call “all is not enough”.

“The more I know the less I understand” is a typical thought from someone in early sobriety. As you are bombarded with new experiences and thoughts they are very hard to understand all at once. Your brain is undergoing changes that are almost impossible to understand and your whole way of thinking changes. Again “all the things that I knew I’m learning again” is exactly what you have to do in recovery. You have to re-learn everything about you and life sober.

The heart of the matter is naturally forgiveness. This is a very important step in recovery from addiction. You have to gain forgiveness and make amends even if it seems like it’s going to kill you. This is what the whole message of the song is about. “My friends seem to scatter” could be a reference to others in recovery as some come in and out over and over again. “Carrying anger” is as every alcoholic/addict knows is the quickest way to relapse. This is again something that you have to let go and get to your forgiving side.

The flesh gets weak could mean several things. It could be cravings appearing and/or the realization that the damage is done and cannot be changed. “Ashes will scatter” is a reference to those that cannot make sobriety a way of life and naturally die from addiction. This could be why the song took so long to write.

If this song was not about addiction then the message can be interpreted as such and please share this with anyone you know is in recovery. It can only be an inspiration.

[Naomi]

The first time I heard this song it captured me so completely that there was a period of several months where I could not go a day with out listening to it. My understanding of the song seemed to evolve with my life in that time period. I came to wonder how a man at least a generation older than me and no doubt in a different situation could capture exactly what I was feeling in such a full way. The need for us all to grow, move-on, and forgive is a basic part of humanity. The message is both beautiful and universal. I know my life would not be the same without the forgiveness I have given and received, and I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be the same with out this song that beautifully embodies that forgiveness. Although it is a breakup song, the point is applicable to all kinds of situations involving pain- because where ever there is hurt there is opportunity to learn, and most importantly forgive.

PS
For those of you how really like the song, there is a cover by neo-soul artist India Aire, that is very good.

[Heather Smith]

Probably Don's best message-sending solo song. He said it took 42 years to write, well...I'm 36 and have learned this lesson too well already!

[james]

there is a b side version of this song that is stripped down and raw. Much better, but can't find it anywhere.

[Sibongile]

For me its about about forgiving yourself after a break up. It made me look back and realise that in order to move on i have to take some esponsibility for my own pain, learn from my mistakes and forgive myself. It make me travel through the pain once more, close the door to it but only by self forgiveness. Its an amazingly powerfull song that mkes you reflect, cry, but somehow helps you move on with a smile.

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